Diario de Organized Chaos

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19 julio 2021

I think I finally realized I have a problem. I went to my physical a few weeks ago and the doctor said I was in good health but a little heavy. She asked if I wanted to meet with a nutritionist I was a little skeptical but I said sure. When I went to my visit with the nutritionist she flat out told me I should probably get a therapist. Apparently my eating is not half bad. The problem is when I get super stressed out I turn to food. So she asked what happened so she could maybe help me figure out a way to maybe help me. After explaining about half of my day she stopped writing.

I explained that I have a higher stress job with deadlines and a huge crop of jerks in the cube farm that I deal with on a daily basis before going home to a bunch of tiny humans that are ravenous every 10 minutes. Once I deal with the tiny humans I go back to dealing with the jerk farm. I am plugged in 24/7 at work. The tiny humans appear to be playing a game of I’m not touching you at all times. The dog constantly farts and looks at all of us like he wishes he would be put up for adoption. Even the goldfish look slightly traumatized. They only swim to the front once a day when it’s feeding time.

Sooooo… I guess I should find a therapist or just vent on here more. I’m pretty sure if I went to go see a real therapist I would be in a straight jacket in under week. After a nice relaxing weekend with the boyfriend I am trying to live with less stress. I finished work at five and jumped on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I made sure I had the refrigerator packed full of grab snacks for the tinies. I am now journaling here and reporting that nothing spectacular happened today other than the fact that it was a Monday and everybody lost their brain cells over the weekend. I literally told a coworker today type this blah blah blah and she typed absolutely nothing. Why? I don’t know. I still don’t know. I walked away. Instead of trying to understand why someone could not follow a simple instruction I chose to keep my sanity and not yell and walked away.

Now it’s 8 PM and I’m trying to figure out what normal people do in the evening when they are not working 60 hour weeks.

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12 julio 2021

Peso:	Disminuído hasta ahora:	Aún para ir:	Dieta seguida:
100,0 kg	2,1 kg	31,9 kg	Bien

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25 junio 2021

Peso:	Disminuído hasta ahora:	Aún para ir:	Dieta seguida:
100,1 kg	2,0 kg	32,0 kg	Bien

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23 junio 2021

Day 23

I'm not entirely sure why I'm still counting days because the low carb boat has sailed, hit a giant freakin rock, and sank. I was on a 3 hour tour that has turned into a shipwreck on an island with a smart chick who "thinks" she knows what she is doing, an inner fit chick who wants to wear skimpy clothes, a goofball who can't take anything seriously, an inner leader who says today is the day!! and no one else listens, and a necrotic me who questions everything about everything.

The physical today seemed to go well. They didn't lecture me on my weight. I did start the exam by saying I know I need to lose weight. Other than that I seem to be healthy so far. Now I sit and wait to see if being treated like a pin cushion turns anything up. Then at the end of the visit my doctor suggested I meet with the nutritionist next week. To which I immediately got that look. You know the look. The one that comes when you think they will only tell you to eat your veggies, follow decades old advice and not be useful in the least. I totally had that look. Then again.. I obviously have no clue what I am doing. Since the daughter already maxed our deductible this year I figured why not?? The doctor assures me this person can give me tips, suggestions, and advice beyond eating my veggies.

Tonight is fun at a ballgame with all the littles. This weekend is an out of town trip with the boyfriend. I'm still going to try though. I'm still going to log. I'm going to try and get a workout in every day. It may be a pitiful workout but I solemnly swear to move my butt. I solemnly swear to try and not stick my entire head into a bag of candy. I solemnly swear to try better. Was having jalapeno chips with lunch necessary? Well no.. but I had a lettuce sub so I considered them acceptable. And delicious. And amazing. I did pass on the cookie so essentially I did better.

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22 junio 2021

Day 22

Has anyone tried BeachBody? An ad came up on something and the workouts actually looked like they might be dumbed down enough for me. Maybe this could motivate me to follow a trainer and workout. Maybe having a fun new toy will trick my brain into believing that I want to workout. Maybe I should search for BeachBody and see what I find.

Today I didn't do low carb but I didn't eat a ton of crap either. I didn't cave and buy a bag of candy at the grocery store. I didn't even let the candy bars in the checkout tempt me. I weighed in today and saw an upward climb. I'm not surprised. The struggle is real right now.

Tomorrow I have my physical. Maybe I will be scared into shape. Now is the tricky part. I have to remember when I wake up half asleep tomorrow to not try to eat all the things. Honestly I'm slightly terrified. I have hives on my hands. I used to get these during finals in college. This has got to be as close to taking a final that I didn't study for as I may ever get to in my adult life. I'm probably panicking for nothing but I'm still slightly panicked. I didn't eat right. I didn't exercise, I drank last weekend, I forgot to drink water today! Well I sort of drank water. I drank coffee flavored water. That's still water.

Heaven help me I don't hyperventilate getting on the scale at the doctors office.

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