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I've fallen off the wagon, and I can't get back up!! Yesterday was my birthday, and I can't figure out when birthdays became all about eating. My husband surprised me and took the day off to take me shopping and out to lunch. First of all, I HATE shopping for clothes, but there really isn't anything else I wanted or need. It is a terrible cycle with me. I don't want to spend the money on clothes because I swear I'm going to lose the weight and wear the closet full of 'skinny clothes' I have from my last weight loss, but I always feel so sloppy wearing the few pairs of jeans that do fit, and the few bigger tops I have. And it all makes me very unhappy. We aren't rich, and with 4 kids, I can't exactly afford to buy a lot of extras for myself all the time. My hubby is so sweet, he tries to help me pick out nice things, and always compliments me. Anyway I ended up in the dressing room with jeans and tops. I did get 2 outfits, and even kind of like how they look.
At lunch, I had an enormous turkey avocado club sandwich, and half of a huge piece of pumpkin cheesecake. Then got a pumpkin frappuchino for the ride home. We had beef sandwiches (I did only have half) for dinner, then he got me a fresh strawberry whipped cream cake for dessert. Well, today I haven't been able to stop eating again. My friend brought me about 2 pounds of fudge for my birthday, from a trip she took last weekend. She didn't know I wasn't eating chocolate. I HAD to taste it today, so that just jump started my desire for chocolate again. I am so disappointed, after 2 WHOLE WEEKS of none, I caved badly.
I promised myself that I would try really really hard to be better after yesterday. I want to do something for myself in honor of my birthday. Deep down I know I deserve it...it's just convincing the rest of me that I CAN do it again.
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