Diario de wb22860

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06 enero 2009

I think tonight I am going to start out planning my meals for the rest of this week and prepare them at home.

I am going to set a goal of prepping or cooking all my meals for the week on Sunday.

Overall today I am doing good, but I worry about the upcoming weeks. I have a lot of changes happening and I hope that they will be good for me.

(4 comentarios)

05 enero 2009

Its always amazing that the journey is always toughest on the first day. Today, I was watching the TV and stumbled upon an Oprah episode in which she discusses going off the wagon. During the episode, she asked everyone that wanted to get back onto the proverbial bandwagon. So to understand why I gain weight and to love myself completely, I am going to answer the questions.

1.What are you really hungry for?
2. Why are you overweight?
3. Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?
4. What in your life is not working?
5. Why do you want to lose weight?
These questions are actually harder than I first thought. What is it that I truly crave? I crave a lot of things in my life, things that make my happy, but deep down I am still craving acceptance and love.

My struggle with my weight started when I was 10 years old. At that time I started to notice that I was different from everybody and the only way that I could ease the struggle was to eat. For those of you reading this, it was the time that I learned that I was gay.

Wow, I am finally putting into words this struggle that have always lived inside of me. I was a boy scout growing up, I was a member of the Royal Ambassadors (Southern Baptist Boy's Group) and I worked a 20 hour a week job. My life dictated to me that I was going to hell for liking people of the same gender and I WAS SCARED. I felt that if I ate, I would blend back in and wouldn't have to tell anyone my dirty little secret. This is how I lived my life until I left home for college.

In college I was the closet the lowest weight that I have been and it was the time that I was properly the happiest. It was during this time that I felt I knew who I was and it was okay to be me. It was the happiest 3 years of my life (I did a year at Community College).

After graduation, I came home for 2 different reasons. One that I am still not comfortable talking about, but just so everyone knows I have forgiven myself, and the other is to take care of my elderly great grandparents. Along with coming home, the weight came back on.

I eventually came out to my entire family, excluding my extended family and I dropped the weight and reached my lowest of 174. However, the stress of changing jobs and the fact that someone found me somewhat attractive, I put the weight back on.

Its a shocker to think that the moment someone showed me the least amount of interest I retreated behind the barriers of weight that I created. I wouldn't have to feel rejection for me being me, when I could give the excuse that they won't find me attractive since I don't look cute.

So why do I want to loose the weight? I want to see my nephews get married and have kids, I want to go jogging with the man of my dreams and I just want to feel happy inside my own skin.

(1 comentario)

05 enero 2009

Peso:	Disminuído hasta ahora:	Aún para ir:	Dieta seguida:
88,0 kg	0 kg	20,0 kg	No Aplica

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08 diciembre 2008

I am starting to see the truth behind meal planning. Everyone that is able to loose weight and keep it off, successful plan their meals for the week.

The only true problem with any meal planning is that I am creature of the social scene, ie: eating out with my friends.

UGH!

(2 comentarios)

08 diciembre 2008

Peso:	Disminuído hasta ahora:	Aún para ir:	Dieta seguida:
86,6 kg	0 kg	18,6 kg	No Aplica

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