It is almost 8am, and my husband is saying wake up! Why, "I am saying?" Doctors appointment! "Oh, that's right", I am saying!
I almost completely forgot, and George brought home these soft pretzels from work. I thought I was hungry, but not the last time I got up, that time was more from my nerves! I was not suppose to eat after 12midnight because of blood work, so now I probably have to call them up.
So, coffee for now is out of the question, and maybe for my nerves, as well as my thyroid gland it is probably not the best, yet, I want something hot to drink in the morning, I don't put sugar in the coffee, so that is not the problem! I feel when I fall, I fall hard to the ground! And sometimes I feel like what's the sense, and the purpose to get up!!!
Sometimes I just retrieve, and I pull far into myself, and I just don't want to pull back out. No one knows what is going inside of me, and sometimes even the me is hard to figure it all out!
I know my friends love me more than I love myself. Yet, I have a hard time feeling loved!! How does one love themselves? How does one forgive themselves? Not just about eating! In just general?
I figured it does not matter what my profile says on top WW, Atkins, so and so's own diet. That all does not matter what you call it. As far as that goes we are all pretty much on the same boat!
I guess like I told my daughter long time ago, if your in the ocean and you are about to drown, how can you save someone else?
Long story on that! She was in those vulnerable years. She was a lot like me, she would help her enemy that was trying to kill her, because she had compassion, and kindness in her to do that! Not all people are the same I kept telling her! Look at the fingers on your hands. You are at the crossroads of life I kept saying, look because you are there, and it all depends on you which way you are going to go! It was always hard to talk to my kids but I knew it was crucial to do so. Even though I feared George, the fear outweighed itself! This was my child's life, and she was indeed at the crossroads. I was not saying that just for shits, and giggles! But, how do we talk to ourselves like that? Just like that day I was in my daughters room saying all of that to her? She told her dad, mom was in my room driving me nuts!! But you know when that rubber hits that road, you really need to do that, you put all fear behind you! And you do what you must!! I feel many times that I have lost that steering wheel that is called life. I don't know exactly how to get where I need to go. I however know my destination, so dear ones which way is home? Maybe just the comfort of home is all that I want! Yet, it is just not time for me to get there! Not yet, much unfinished business along the way! I said, God just let me rest at your feet, I won';t nag, I won't pout, I won't pester you, just let me lay at your feet besides there and I will be goo, I promise you!!!
Sometimes when it all gets too much I just want to give it all to God!! Do you? Then when I sleep I am just in a different place. then it is like wake up kiddo you are in the real world now! But, when I asked God to just lay at his feet, I was fully awakened, I had tears coming down my face at the time!
He listens to us in our dream state or when we are fully awake!
Off I go now to take my morning meds! Coffee is ready! And I just might need to call that doctors office. We have a 9:15am, and a 9:30am appointments both of us, and hope it is going to be in the same room like I mentioned when they called me to remind me about them!!!
Catch everyone latter on!!!