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I'm in a bad way today. I wanted to just not eat at all, but then thought a binge (a frozen pizza and a plate of spaghetti and meatballs) would make myself feel better and it didn't. Only went 200 over RDI and still have a deficit but that doesn't make me feel any better either. My heart feels so heavy and I am a little angry but mostly just...I feel so defeated. Nothing I do or say or try or think or feel is every right or okay or acceptable or helpful or good. The last time I felt this way, I ended up losing 60 lbs in two months and wound up in a hospital. I don't want to go there again but I don't want help either. I just don't feel like I deserve it. I feel like if I seek help again, it will just make things worse again. Having everyone around me know what a failure I am. Having everyone upset by the inconvenience of bringing my problems to light. I'm in so much pain and I'm so lonely and I just wish the person inside me that wants things to change would just die so I could just accept what's around me and sink into the sludge and not care.
That person that wants to improve and grow and make better and experience only causes trouble.
I should just be happy with the reality I have.
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2670 kcal
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Grasa: 100,75g | Prot: 125,90g | Carbh: 313,44g.
Desayuno: Royal Crest Dairy 1.5% Milk, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds). Almuerzo: Cheesy Chicken Veggie Rice. Cena: Trattoria Alfredo Pizza Salami. Pasa Bocas / Otros: Corn Flakes, Royal Crest Dairy 1.5% Milk, Parmesan Cheese (Grated), Spaghetti, Swedish Meatballs. más...
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2890 kcal
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Ejercicio:
Descansando - 16 horas y 37 minutos, Durmiendo - 7 horas y 23 minutos. más...
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 Comentarios
I am not a doctor, but having had these issues of depression before tells me you might need a helping hand. I would find someone that deals with eating disorders and depression. You sound like a lovely person and you most definitely deserve any help you can get. Hang in there and find some help.
14 feb. 15 por el miembro: Mom2Boxers
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I am sorry for your sadness. is there nothing you are happy about? I know how food and eating disorders can really wreck a persons mind and body. I hope you can feel good about yourself...it took me a long time to like myself or love myself...i am sending you love and peace and hopefully a glimmer of hope and some happiness.
14 feb. 15 por el miembro: iulani
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14 feb. 15 por el miembro: Mom2Boxers
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Sending you big hugs and support!!
14 feb. 15 por el miembro: Kiwinana
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I'm so sorry to hear this, no one deserves to feel the way you're feeling right now, and everyone fails, but that doesn't make you a failure it makes you human.I sure hope you feel better right away. Hugs
14 feb. 15 por el miembro: KristyRenae
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Duuuude. Yes, please do get some help. You do deserve the help.
Do you comfort eat? If so, there's a good chance that's why you're depressed, probably amongst other things, but the way I see it, ... if you're not getting that comfort from food, then you're left feeling uncomforted, if that makes any sense. Try to find something that makes you happy; sticks a smile on your face. Go grab yourself a big ol' smile from somewhere. While you're at it, get in touch with your GP (or simply, a doctor - psychiatrist could help, or a psychologist if you've already been diagnosed) and look into extra support. There's NOTHING wrong with extra support.
14 feb. 15 por el miembro: Somebody Else
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15 feb. 15 por el miembro: njashka8
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I'm sorry. Yesterday was a really difficult day. I panicked and needed to say something, but I don't have anyone to talk to so I vented here. I'm sorry. I had a long discussion with my husband last night, and hopefully things will move in a more positive direction. I appreciate your offers of help, and if I need to talk to someone again I will take up the offers for private chat that some of you provided. I'm sorry again.
15 feb. 15 por el miembro: klaymates
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And also thank you everyone. It's so easy for me to feel alone since moving from the US to Europe. I haven't made any real acquaintances since relocating two years ago. I really appreciate your messages.
15 feb. 15 por el miembro: klaymates
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Thank you for your courage and honesty. You have absolutely NOTHING to apologize for...(although we understand...once you make a post that expresses open and vulnerable feelings and facts, the almost over-whelming feeling 10 mins later...or whatever time frame...is to think about hitting the delete button) We ALL help each other...so that your honesty and reaching out for support, makes it easier (safer) for others to reach out and to know that there are others with very similar struggles..Thank you for the update and I would encourage you and ALL of us...let your FS Buddies help you...in whatever way YOU need...Have a WONDERFUL Day...and again, thanks for being part of the FS community :)
15 feb. 15 por el miembro: SuccessThisTime58
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Yes, we all have our bad days and those lil evil thoughts in the back of our head. Just be thankful for another day and of all the positive things that you have and that are going on in your life. Next time, just try to look past those thoughts. They are not worth your time! (smiles & hugs)
15 feb. 15 por el miembro: meohmy125
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