Diario de dumplingirl, 16 jun. 09

Feeling like I just cannot get motivated. I am feeling really down. I hate this feeling. I just do not know what to do first. There is so much I want to do, it is like I just go through the motion of living right now. I want get up and start something. This is so un like me. I have a garden to tend, a big house to take care of, 2 dogs,(one is blind) 1 cat, 4 chickens and 2 grown children and one husband. I still feel like I am wasting too much time. I miss the city life a lot. I love the country life also. I miss my children being young. What is wrong with me. I have to be going through a mid-life crisis. I just want to be me again. I miss the social life I use to have in Colorado. But when I was there I missed the country life of here. I am making myself laugh. I am strange. If you knew me you would think I was normal. I am just spilling my guts on here. Oh well. I want a job, I want to be around people. But then again I do not want to be confined to 9 to 5 everyday. I want flexible hours, maybe I just should do charity work. I could use some extra money. Me and my husband are following the Dave Ramsey plan right now and hope to be completely debt free within the year. So I sort of miss shopping also. I am just wanting to have some fun, like enjoy what I do. I do enjoy what I do, I just am at the point I am not doing it anylonger. I just and going through the motions of life.