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Edit: I see a million little errors in my message. Sorry! It was written on my phone and uploaded with no corrections... it will stay how it is... is what it is! :)
Reflections.... I am looking back to help me move forward. I lost 45 pounds in about 7 months. I went all the way to my goal weight losing an average of 1 to 2 pounds a week. I got to 145, which is what was my typical weight as a very fit teen/early 20 year old. It is what I weighed at my wedding and before I had a bunch of kids. The last ten came off pretty much the same way as the rest. It was a lot of work but you all know that it is hard work. For a solid year, I was so incredibly consistent with my calories and activity.
The next two have been rocky. I wouldn't say I would rather be in the losing phase, for that was really rotten! :) But, I have not found maintaining to be a steady thing, and I have struggled so much. For a long time I hovered about 2 pounds over goal and rarely went below. I started in the last 6 months pushing 5 above goal, and now I'm upwards of 7. My fitness level has dropped so much. Granted, when I was working on losing, I was not even working. I could literally put all my energy that wasn't used by family into my health. Now I'm working part time at 3 different jobs doing full time hours most of the time. I am a caregiver to my youngest daughter, who has a chronic health condition. I'm constantly stressed out of my mind with work and my 5 children ages 19 to 26. I love them endlessly, but gosh... Crazy time of life for us all.
Anyway, I am trying to think of the ways I found success in the past. When losing, I weighed once a week. I counted and recorded every calorie. I worked out a lot but not crazy amounts like I did in the year of so after reaching my goal. I was not even involved in the social part of this app until the last 20 pounds or so. But, it (you) became so important to me after I got started getting to know people. You became the lifeline holding me.
What am I doing now? I eat far too much... often because once I've gone off the rails I may as well gobble as much as possible. I often follow this up with fasting for a day or more. Then I am must be super careful until I get off the food/water weight I packed on... then I repeat the process. I never saw this as truely disorder eating until someone very close to me began to struggle with a full blown eating disorder and would have killed her without residential urgent care. As a result, I became much more aware of my choices but I didn't change them. I weigh daily when I'm doing well and avoid the scale in fear when I know it will tell me a sad, truthful story. I am so busy that checking on my friends here can be difficult and stressful... I literally feel so much guilt when I don't support and comment. I used to go through my whole group I follow every day or two to keep up with everyone's journey.
The last week has been incredible stressful. Just off the charts for me. Yet, I've been managing to eat pretty well. I really can't say why it has been so much better. Maybe I came though some really high calorie days feeling pretty disgusting and disgusted with myself. Am I just ready to fight harder again? I don't know. I'm weighing every day, but not recording here daily. I'm recording all my calories and sticking close to my decided upon limit. I'm not stressing about getting to the gym. I'm on my feet and active at work all the time, so it isn't like I have zero activity. I worked in my rose garden! I have been cutting off eating in the early afternoon most days. Having always found fasting easier somehow than moderation, I've shut that gate totally rather than trying to let the herd that wants to stampede out a few at a time.
I don't know how things will go tomorrow or the next day or next week. Today went OK. I'm just trying to be thankful... Appreciative of all my many blessings. I'm trying to forgive myself. I am not where I was... But I sure as heck am not where I was before I started! Petra's journal today caused me to pause and think about how I am afraid to say how much I am still struggling, because I don't anyone to feel they again they have to lift me up. But, I don't feel that way about my friends here who are earnestly trying and still fighting this fight. And...should I fear the opinions of people here or dread seeming like a bother or a failure? Ok, too many thoughts. It is late, and tomorrow with all its fears and frustrations will come too soon. To my sweet, dear friends, thank you for all of your endless support all of these years. If anyone else reads this, maybe some of this resonates and is an encouragement to keep going. Giving up is not an option!
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1221 kcal
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Grasa: 46,55g | Prot: 56,68g | Carbh: 144,74g.
Desayuno: Great Value Half & Half, Coffee-Mate French Vanilla Liquid Coffee Creamer, Simply Nature Organic Quinoa, Skippy Creamy Peanut Butter, Brown Sugar. Almuerzo: Delish BBQ Seasoned Pork Jerky, Chicken Stir Fry, 365 Organic Quinoa, Apples . Pasa Bocas / Otros: Starbucks Hazelnut Latte (Grande). más...
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21 a 40 de 49
 Comentarios
Spark,those are very good thoughts. Thank you! I know I need more sleep for sure, and there are many other things I know about health and mental health to do. It is difficult when too weary to try. But, I know I have to find other ways to manage for sure! Dear Tom, I am so glad for you comment and your constant support you have been. I am sorry things have been rough for you. I am glad I can just show up here when I can and find connection and know people really get this whole journey... beginning to never ending.
11 mar. 22 por el miembro: melissatwa
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It totally encourages me, larilyn to know my story isn't unique... honestly, it makes me really happy to read that it also encourages you to know we are in this together! Nikina, You are so, so faithful to post... seemingly no matter what. I think it is key for me to stay connected... at least when I have time. What a sweetheart you are; I am so blessed by your understanding and love! xxx Diana, I know absolutly you get the struggle, yet there you are at your beautiful blue line! I really wish so many of us could just get together... hang out and support each other... in a more personal way than is even possible here. "Never give up!" Thank you, wifey and Bananas! I really appreciate your support!
11 mar. 22 por el miembro: melissatwa
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You are an inspiration because of your humanity and efforts to be better. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Keep being awesome!
11 mar. 22 por el miembro: love2educate
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Thank you, Frizy. I did make it to the beach for a few days. That was so amazing, but... It seems like it was a good thing I got that "calm," for the storm has surely come afterward. I feel like I am trying to lose all the time too. For a little while I felt perfectly great, but then messing up with eating and/or fitness happens. All we can do is keep trying! You too, lady! ConfidenceMaven. I need your "first" name! Thank you so much! Maine Coon, at least we can cuddle our cats, right!? Yes, starting over or keeping going... whatever it is we keep moving. erika, I am not full time every week. Those are the times when I can walk more. I can get my garden worked on and breathe a little. But sometimes, like next week, I will be working four full time days and two part time. So working 6 days in a row doing at least something. I am totally grateful not all my weeks look like that. I had three days off this week, which was exactly what I needed because my daughter was in terrible pain and not getting out of bed exept for a few minutes at a time. My husband helps a lot, and my other grown children step in when they can to help her. Your words really mean a lot to me. I think I am managing and doing really well... until it just is too much. If everything is clicking along ok, I can do everything. But, things slip and I trip and then it gets so hard on every level. I feel like I am aging daily sometimes. So, yes, I need to evaluate what can or needs to change. It is easy for me to care for others, but trying to make sure I am ok feels like selfishness sometimes. Thank you for the "motherly" advice!
11 mar. 22 por el miembro: melissatwa
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11 mar. 22 por el miembro: Terri Cacciato Paul
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OK, Mr consistant sk, where is your rollercoaster? :) I absolutly don't think maintaining is "easy" for you. Not at all. You are just a rock and work so hard. Thank you for being such a good example! Love2, wonderful neighbor, thank you! I am at least still here! I may never run that 3 in 30 again, and I practically cry just thinking about it, but that doesn't mean I can't keep trying to do my best at the level I can. We just keep going!
11 mar. 22 por el miembro: melissatwa
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Just glad you are sharing and not hiding. I have a hard time with that and am so grateful for the safe place FS has provided to share my journey. Please keep sharing yours. It's a life line when everything else is out of control.
11 mar. 22 por el miembro: jeannieselby
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Sorry to disappoint Melissa but I was up 3 lbs overnight last week so if I used that datapoint for a “weekly weigh-in” it would have bedn too emotional. So I seem consistent because I use math, lots of datapoints & follow the daily weigh-in process while always posting once per week. I’m never hungry, exercise rarely and have zero emotional eating responses. And I get plenty of sleep. It’s easy-peasy b/c the process is sound. 👍
11 mar. 22 por el miembro: sk.17
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It all resonates with me. I'm sorry that you have so much stress in your life and the problems with your youngest daughter are probably the hardest. When our children hurt, it hurts us the most. You have so very much to handle, and then the flooding comes on top of it. I pray that the Lord will uphold and strengthen you. I too get nervous when I gain not knowing how far it will go before I can bring it to a stop. So I totally relate to that, but standing on the outside I wish those couple or several pounds were not such a heavy burden on you. That must be one of those "do as I say, not as I do" moments, since I am right there with you. Thank you for sharing, it makes me not feel so alone.
12 mar. 22 por el miembro: Snowwhite100
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I find after about 2 days of increasing the carbs too much, my appetite kicks in like a scared rabbit. Then it takes a week or two to lasso that thing back into it's hole. It's all about the carbs.
Carbs stimulate insulin->low sugar->glucagon-> tries to bring sugar back up. With this cycle there are also several other hunger hormones that go to-and-fro to make you want to eat. Some is perhaps psychological/emotional, but some isn't. Best advice is 'Steady as she Goes".
12 mar. 22 por el miembro: Pegster8
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Circumstances change and life change. I think it is great that you are working and at the same time being such good mom to your kids. I can understand how much they will be part of your daily life even as they are grown up. I do not think that we have to be successful the same way we were before. There are many paths and we may be walking a new one right now. I like what you said about eating disorders. I have friends who have suffered and my own obsessions do sometimes bother me. Lastly, do not feel guilty because you do not "meet" your online social "quota". It is not a priority. We know you are busy. You should adapt it to where you are now. Because 2022 Melissa is not 2019 Melissa. And that is a good thing to embrace
12 mar. 22 por el miembro: liv001
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I’m not running like that either. If it becomes your goal, you’ll be able to do it again!
12 mar. 22 por el miembro: love2educate
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Hi Melissatwa- I hope you’re feeling well today. When I read your post the first time it really made me introspective and I started thinking about myself so much I didn’t give you the positive, uplifting response you deserve. And honestly, you have set that bar so high I don’t know how to say what needs to be said. I hope you can realize that you need to make your own health a priority, whether others need you or not. You can only help if you are able to.
I’m glad you are getting out and spending time with your roses. Have you been able to spend time with horses lately? I know you know what to do eating-wise so I’m more concerned with rest and stress relief. Both of those seem to be a lot harder to maintain with consistency, especially for family caregivers. And sometimes it’s hard not to stress about achieving stress relief. Anyway, I’ll be thinking about you and praying for you and your family.
12 mar. 22 por el miembro: TomLong
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Oh, Sweet Melissa, you sharing your insights, wisdom and vulnerability are a true blessing. Thank you. ❤
12 mar. 22 por el miembro: _bec_ca
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I re read your journal, you have done excellent especially with everything you got going on!!!! Todays weigh in has gotten me back to being serious again!! I agree with other resonders to this post, you still look great now
12 mar. 22 por el miembro: Maine coon
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I've had busy, busy days. This is my first time to pause and reply! Thank you Terri! Jeannie, I am so grateful for this safe place filled with people who get the challenges. Sk, seriously! 😁 I know you do your wondeful averaging, but you steadily and wirh determination keep within you range! Snowwhite, it really is deep, deep pain experiencing seeing my daughter suffer. Some days I feel like I can't breathe... Just holding my breath waiting for if she will worsen. When she has a good day, it is like the sun shines and everything about life is beautiful. I do so appreciate your prayer! Pegster8, hunger isn't usually ever an issue for me. I struggle with emotional eating for the most part. To feel good and steady, I certainly need carbs! Some people are really happy to limit them, but that isn't a healthy choice for me.
13 mar. 22 por el miembro: melissatwa
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You keep it real. We rise and fall. Sending love ❤️
13 mar. 22 por el miembro: Gib_Jig
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Liv, I really, really had to pause and think about what you said about who I am and my situation, which is so different from a couple years ago. Trying to expect I can be the same when so much else in my life has changed isn't super realistic I guess. Sort of basic I guess, but somehow hard to see sometimes. I don't want to "settle" for less. I want to do better, but I understand what you are saying and I really am thankful for your insights! Love2, I don't know that my knee cold take that pressure, but I could do something else that requires the same kind of endurance and fitness... I will someday! 😁
13 mar. 22 por el miembro: melissatwa
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Tom, the last couple days have been brighter! I've been extremely busy and my eating has been worse, but my heart has been lighter because my girl had a couple better days. Tom, you have always been so consistently thoughtful in your support and encouragement. I feel like I got a long distance hug from what you said. I felt just a little teary reading your message. I have not gotten a horse, "fix" in months. It is Ok though. I did get to the ocean, which is almost as thetaputic! I need to make good decisions about how I spend my time and make sure I balance things between taking care of others and getting some time to do what I enjoy. It is super hard to turn off the worry and stress, but I can turn down the volume a bit for sure!
13 mar. 22 por el miembro: melissatwa
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Dear, Becky, YOU are a blessing I wish was not so far away. When you come to see your daughter again, you need to carve our a few hours again for me. 😊 ❤️ Maine coon, thank you! Sometimes I think we have to just get jolted into remembering that we need to take things seriously or risk total relaps. That is where I am now. Thank you, Gib_Jig, love back! ❤️
13 mar. 22 por el miembro: melissatwa
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